


To Pee or Not To Pee

by Lanceeselhombre



Series: His Process Au [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxious Keith (Voltron), Drug testing, Gen, How Shiro and Keith meet in this Au, Keith is gun shy, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Panic Attacks, Pee, Prequel, Sorry but not sorry @ entire fandom, To the absolute max, implied/referenced trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 07:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12812751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanceeselhombre/pseuds/Lanceeselhombre
Summary: If there’s one thing Keith hates about the Garrison, it’s the screening process.





	To Pee or Not To Pee

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel to the fanfiction ‘His Process’ and may not make sense on its own. If you want to understand the whole story, please go read that fanfiction first and come back to this one. 
> 
> I don’t know how this happened but suddenly my oneshot is becoming an Au. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The garrison was a difficult school to get into. Every cadet that attended the academy was the best of the best. Every cadet was expected to be on their best behavior 100% of the time. With the high-tech, top secret projects and missions the academy was working on, any less could result in a disaster. Not only was the very best expected, but it was a necessity.

To ensure that necessity, the Garrison had very, very strict rules and regulations: no skipping classes, no breaking curfew (which was ridiculously early), no entering restricted areas (such as the simulators after hours or without an instructor), no fighting/gang activity/etc., and, most importantly, no alcohol or drug use of any kind.

To make sure the cadets stayed sober, the Garrison used random, weekly alcohol tests and monthly drug tests. Not everyone was chosen each time- only about a tenth of the academy’s population participated during each screening- but eventually everyone got around to being tested. There was even a drug and alcohol test every cadet needed to pass to get into the academy.

For Keith, the first day of every month was a nightmare. He didn’t care about the alcohol screening; all he had to do to pass was breathe into a breathalyzer and he was done. No big deal. But the drug tests? They were done using urine samples, since blood testing was less practical and generally caused more problems with more people than the alternative.

Keith would prefer the blood tests.

He refused to be inside a bathroom for reasons he would rather not discuss from his past. Just...no. It made him go to a bad place he would rather not be. And that was a fixable problem, samples could be collected in a room other than a bathroom. But even then Keith couldn’t just piss in front of someone like it was nothing; he was extremely bladder shy. And unfortunately, that part of the testing couldn’t be negotiated, not without Keith having to explain his trauma to Iverson. Which also...no.

Never.

_“All cadets participating in the randomized drug screening, please report to the medical wing immediately.”_

No. He didn’t want to go.

Keith curled further into his comforter, pulling the edges over his head to block out the light of the room and the woman on the intercom. He wanted to sleep instead of have to sit in the medical wing, anxiously awaiting his turn to give a sample, only to be unable to do so and look like an idiot in front of a complete stranger. He didn’t want to have to talk to his collector. He didn’t want to let a stranger stare at his junk and he definitely didn’t want to let a stranger watch him pee. God, he didn’t want to have _anything_ to do with this damn test.

Despite Keith’s reluctance to go to the drug screening, he was already completely dressed in his Garrison uniform under the covers. He’d woken up early in the morning, too anxious to sleep any later than four a.m. even though his first class wasn’t until four in the afternoon. Having nothing better to do with his time, he got dressed and hid under his blankets, trying to pretend that he didn’t really have to be screened. Like today was a dream. If he waited long enough he would wake up and his name would no longer be on the roster.

But no amount of waiting would get him out of this.

_“All cadets participating in the randomized drug screening, please report to the medical wing immediately.”_

Keith took in a deep, long, slow breath and exhaled in a defeated sigh. He reluctantly flipped his covers off of his figure and sat up in bed, knowing he had no other choice but to go and get the test over with. If he didn’t attend of his own free will, Iverson would show up at his door, drag him to the medical wing, and personally watch him to make sure he gave an honest, uncontaminated sample. And he refused to let that jerk do that. He would rather be expelled from the Garrison before he submitted himself to that loudmouth in such a way.

Unable to postpone his fate any longer, Keith stood up and grabbed his dorm key before he left the boys’ dorms, locking his bedroom door behind him. He dropped his keys in his pocket and settled for crossing his arms defensively over his chest as he walked towards the medical wing. His steps were long, forcibly calm, and slower than usual in his reluctance to make it to his destination. A small frown made itself present on his facial features, making him appear to be pissed (ha) off at the world.

God he wasn’t even there yet and all of his anxious tells were already showing. Not that it truly mattered, no one knew him well enough to know that his seemingly stiff and angry body language was really just a cover for how weak and fearful he felt; just a front. And it worked surprisingly well, so he really shouldn’t be complaining.

It took Keith ten minutes to walk to the medical wing from the dorms- ten minutes too early. He wished he had taken a little- actually no, a lot- longer to get there. _I’m not ready._ He whimpered internally as a nurse dressed in the typical yellows and whites of the Garrison staff uniform walked up to him. She offered him a warm, wide smile, seemingly friendly and disarmed, but it did nothing to calm Keith’s anxiety.

“Hello.” The nurse greeted kindly, her voice soft and low as if she knew she was talking to an extremely anxious patient. “Could I get your name?” She asked as she held up a clipboard with a rather thick packet on it, most likely a list of all the cadets in the academy. She looked up at him expectantly, waiting patiently for a response. Her eyes were calm.

Keith cleared his throat, trying to buy himself time before he had to speak and also to hopefully stop the way his voice quivered when he got nervous. All too soon, he had to open his mouth and reply. “K- Keith Kogane.” He murmured to her, just barely loud enough to hear, voice too reserved for the aggressive stance he had. Him clearing his throat had not gotten rid of his quivering voice. In his nervousness he even said his own last name wrong. He groaned internally at how stupid he must sound to this nice nurse, who he actually liked a little for how gentle she was compared to some of the other staff that could have chosen to talk to him.

Despite how Keith had stuttered and messed up his name, the nurse acted as if nothing was wrong and quietly flipped through her packet to find Keith’s name. “Keith Kogane…” She whispered to herself as she looked, reminding herself of what she was searching for and noticeably pronouncing his name the way it was supposed to be said.

Keith stood stock still while she looked through her packet, not sure what to do with himself. He adjusted his arms uncomfortably and tightened their cross over his chest, his unconscious frown deepening. Cold sweat was starting to prick at the skin on his back and arms, making him feel worse and subconscious. _Could she see him sweating?_ He snapped his head to the side to look over his shoulder, not being consoled by the fact that there was no one creeping up behind him. He looked around behind the nurse- no one was looking at them. For a few seconds, he compulsively checked his surroundings to make sure no strangers were approaching him, the need to satisfy his paranoia overwhelming.

He really needed to stop that nervous tick. When he did it- especially when he was about to be screened for drugs- it made him look suspicious. He was completely clean, of course- if he could barely make it through the screening process, he sure as hell didn’t want to have to deal with the consequences of failing it- but the staff didn’t know that.

“Ah! Keith Kogane, right here.” The nurse said suddenly, startling Keith out of his tick as he turned to check his back again. He quickly faced her again and hummed uncommittingly in response, trying to act calm. He knew the act was BS at this point, this nurse obviously knew he was worried with how the anxiety was vibrating inside of him. She had to know his confident front was nothing but that- a front.

She acted like it was nothing. “Okay, You’re all set! You can take a seat, they’ll call you in when it’s your turn.” She chirped, her voice still soft and calm. _Calming_. Keith realized after she stopped talking. _Her voice is calming._

Before he could feel awkward for standing still too long, Keith walked over to an empty seat with a space between him and the next person. He hadn’t said anything in response to the nurse, not wanting to make an even bigger fool of himself. Silence was neutral. The nurse didn’t mind right? She knew he was nervous, he hoped she didn’t take his behavior personally.

He took in a deep, calming breath, and did his best to breathe out just as slow. His breath shook from the muscles in his chest constricting to the point of shaking because of his anxiety. He was still cold-sweating under his jacket, his hair now sticking to the back of his neck in clumps and his palms growing clammy under his gloves. His nerves felt fried from that one, tiny conversation with the nurse. And she was nice and kind and gentle. He sighed. He hoped his collector was the same way. He wasn’t sure if he could deal with a pacifist or a person that wanted to speed along.

He wouldn’t be able to be fast. He could already feel the muscles in his abdomen and pelvis tightening, constricting possessively around his bladder. Nope, his body wasn’t going to make this easy for him. It wanted to hold onto everything inside of him and give none for the test. He felt quite effectively _blocked_.

Not that the tensing in his stomach made him feel any safer. No, the tensing just pressed on his bladder, which was uncomfortably full already, and made him feel even more anxious. He didn’t like sitting in a room with all these strangers while he desperately needed to relieve himself. But going into a test like this was supposedly easier if you were dying to take a piss, right? That’s what the website said at least.

He looked up at the single clock in the room to check the time. _9:27_. How long was this supposed to last? He really hoped he wouldn’t have a long wait time. He just wanted to get this over with. Waiting made him anxious. And with how badly he needed to pee, he wasn’t sure how long he could wait before he burst open like a water balloon, completely ruining any chance he had of managing to give a sample. _Fuck_ , maybe he drank too much too soon.

Keith sighed aggravatedly to himself, too low for anyone else to hear, and tilted his head back to rest against the back of his chair. He glanced at the clock again; _9:28_. God, this was already taking for-fucking-ever. He felt his bladder pang and shifted his hips uncomfortably. _I swear to god you better not piss yourself now._ He growled to himself with another aggravated sigh.

Every few seconds he glanced up at the clock, expecting it to be turning and time to be changing, but it was ticking by so slow. _A watched pot doesn’t boil_ he heard his foster mother say in his mind, causing him to frown deeper. Easier said than done. Instead of watching the clock, he decided to bounce his leg.

That only lasted another minute or so before the movement started jostling his bladder too much and he had to stop. He bit his lip to stop himself from groaning desperately and carefully sat up straighter. He looked around the room anxiously and closed his eyes when he saw no one paying attention to him. He felt wet and sticky with sweat, the moisture not helping his mental state. He was as uncomfortable as he could be.

He hated this.

It was only ten minutes later, when he was starting to really worry that he might not make it, that a nurse came out. “Keith Kogane.” She called, her voice business-like and less soft than the first nurse’s voice. She wasn’t too loud or particularly scary though, but even so Keith couldn’t stop himself from jumping in his seat at the sound of his name. God, could he make any more of a fool of himself at this point?

 _You could piss your pants in front of everyone._ His mind supplied helpfully, giving him one more thing he could do to make his day worse. He grimaced at the thought. There was no way in hell he’d do that.

“Keith Kogane?” The nurse called again when he didn’t stand up or acknowledge her, and Keith cursed himself out mentally. Before she could call his name again he stood, being extra careful not to jostle himself and raised his hand in a half-wave, indicating he was the one she was looking for. He walked over to the nurse, earning himself a polite smile. “Please follow me.” She instructed simply as she turned away and start to walk down the hallway she came from.

Keith robotically followed after her, anxiously rubbing his thumb along the side of his index finger. Every step he took made the liquid in him slosh and it was uncomfortable and borderline _painful_ at this point. He was already stressed and practically vibrating with anxiety, the constant reminder that he was _this_ close to wetting himself was upping the anxiety level from ‘stressed as fuck’ to ‘building panic attack.’

Still, when the nurse stopped in front of a room it was too early. _He wasn’t ready._ “Here you go.” The nurse said, causing Keith to break his concentrated stare on the room and look to her. She was holding out to him one of the collection cups, a clear plastic container with a screw on blue top that would comfortably fit in his palm.

The teen stared dumbly at the cup for a moment. He was expected to _pee_ in that. He was pretty sure his face was bright red when he took it from her and held it to his stomach with one hand. This was humiliating.

The nurse also handed him several sanitation wipe packets, which he took with his free hand. “When you’re done make sure to close it tight and give it to your collector.” She instructed, motioning to the sealed cup. Keith managed to give her a partial nod in understanding, and the nurse left to attend to someone else.

Keith let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when she was out of eyesight. He glanced up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to will the blood to leave his face. He was _glowing_ , he didn’t want to seem this nervous and embarrassed the second he met his collector. After a few seconds he felt his face cool down a little and willed himself to walk inside the room in front of him and closed the door behind him.

His collector was standing, leaning on the right wall with his hands comfortably in his pockets. He was definitely older than Keith, but it didn’t seem by much. However, despite their short age gap he was _tall_. He had a head full of jet black hair, some of it falling forward over his stormy gray eyes. He had been looking at one of the paintings on the wall and turned his head to look at Keith when he entered. The teen met his eyes for a moment, one thought passing his mind as he took in the stranger: _intimidating_.

He smiled, warm and inviting. “Hey.” He greeted simply, voice deep and confident, but also somehow gentle and kind. The voice wasn’t the one Keith had expected the man to have. It was less intimidating than his appearance and was surprisingly soft. That voice was the voice of someone who was calm and patient. _Calming_.

It took a moment for Keith to realize he should say something back. “Uh- h-hey.” He stuttered in return, mentally slapping himself for the delayed response and the stutter. He really couldn’t get anything right today could he? He was embarrassing himself- his face was glowing again. He could feel the heat return with a vengeance and knit his eyebrows together in frustration.

The man breathed out a small chuckle. “Nervous?” He assumed, his tone telling that he knew he hit the nail on the head. He let there be a small pause for Keith to speak up, but when he didn’t he continued to talk. “Yeah, a lot of people don’t like this kind of testing. It’s normal to be anxious.” He assured, his voice surprisingly soothing. Keith never thought the words ‘it’s normal to be anxious’ would affect him so much. It felt like a bit of the weight on his chest was lifted away.

Keith wasn’t sure if he should respond to that or not, so he decided to stick with a neutral silence again. He stood awkwardly in the same place he’d been since he entered, an equally awkward silence falling between them. Keith wasn’t sure just how long he could have stood there, vainly trying to postpone his fate, but he didn’t get the chance to do it for long. His bladder panged again urgently in his stomach, making him bounce once on his toes to cope. He needed to hurry up, he needed to go now.

But he didn’t want to stand while he did this….sitting would be much more comfortable- again for reasons he would rather not mention. There were two chairs in the room, so he was probably allowed to sit if he wanted, but he felt like he had to ask.

He awkwardly cleared his throat to prepare himself to speak. “C-can I- u-um- s-sit?” He asked, stuttering horribly and probably making himself unintelligible. But he didn’t have the mental strength to muster up the courage to try again, so he stood quietly, hoping the collector had understood what he said.

Thankfully, he did. The collector nodded and smiled, obviously trying to soothe. “Yeah man, do whatever makes you more comfortable.” He said, taking his own words as a cue to sit down in the chair closest to him. He probably realized by now that he was intimidating and was sitting to make himself less of a threat.

Keith...really appreciated the gesture. The man seemed a lot less threatening now that his massive height had been practically cut in half. Taking in a deep breath, Keith moved to follow suit and sat down in the chair opposite him. He sat still for a moment, controlling his breathing to calm down a little before he reluctantly moved to undo his pants.

The second his zipper was down the anxiety he’d had before he tried to calm himself came rushing back, his attempts to stay calm completely thrown in the garbage disposal. His breaths came shorter, faster. He didn’t think he could do this.

But he had to. If he didn’t pass the test he’d be kicked out of the Garrison. He didn’t have anywhere to go.

A hand waving in Keith’s peripheral vision startled him out of his spiraling panic. He glanced up at his collector, who was still sitting, one leg rested on the other comfortably. Once he saw he had Keith’s attention he spoke up. “Don’t rush yourself. We have all day, take your time.” He said. “I know it’s not fun to have someone watch you take a leak, trust me I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t have to.” He ended with a small smile, trying to make Keith feel better.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work much, although Keith wished it did. He was anxious as fuck right now and wanted to disappear on the spot, but this guy was okay. He was being patient with his anxiety and was dealing with it well, unlike many people he’d known. If they met under different circumstances, maybe they could be friends.

Not wanting to seem rude, Keith gave a jerky nod in response to the man’s words. He closed his eyes and worked on controlling his breathing again, struggling to get the erratic, shaky rhythm back under control. He felt so stupid for being so distraught over a simple _test_.

Keith allowed himself longer to calm down this time, waiting until he was feeling more grounded to slide his pants off his hips. Still relatively calm, he slowly reached into his boxers so he could pull himself out. The second he had his fingers on himself he was back to panicking.

He wheezed uncomfortably and hid his face in his free hand. No, he couldn’t do this.

It was quiet again for a few moments, completely silent except for the sound of Keith’s erratic breathing. Except this time, controlling his breathing didn’t seem possible, and he wasn’t finding it very easy to calm down. He could feel himself getting worse instead of better, starting to feel light from the lack of oxygen-

“You don’t do drugs, do you?” The man asked suddenly.

Keith jumped and glanced up at him. “W-w-what?” He stuttered, struggling to focus.

“You don’t seem like someone who would be doing drugs.” He reiterated. “Am I right?”

Keith gave a jerky nod and a whimpered ‘uh-huh’ in response.

The collector hummed. He pulled his leg down so that both of his feet were on the floor and leaned forward. “Could I see that?” He asked gently, pointing to the cup and the packets in Keith’s lap.

The teen gave him a confused look, but picked up the items and handed them to him without hesitation. What did he want with them?

The man thanked him and took the things he’d asked for, immediately twisting the container’s top to break the seal and open it. He put the cap on the floor with the inside up and held the container itself between his knees as he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and slid them down his thighs.

Keith’s jaw was hanging as he watched the man nonchalantly pull himself out of his boxers, open one of the packets, clean himself, grab the cup with one hand and piss into it. He stopped when the container was halfway full and bent down to pick up the cap, screwing it on tight before he put it down on the floor. He pulled his boxers and pants back up and redid his zipper and button, then picked up the container again and held it out to Keith. “Here, you’re all set.” He said, completely unfazed by what he just did.

Keith stared blankly at the cup for a moment, unable to figure out why the hell he did _that_. He didn’t think the collector was allowed to do that?? Regardless, he reached out and took the cup from him, keeping his fingers away from the bottom where the urine was, not wanting to feel the warmth of it, especially because the piss inside wasn’t his own. “Why…?” He asked, wanting to know why a complete stranger just bailed him out of his worst nightmare.

The man smiled kindly, his eyes soft. “I’ve seen people try to get out of a test because they were drug users. But I think you’re a good kid. I believe you’re clean, and I don’t want to let you have a panic attack because you’re uncomfortable with this.” He explained slowly, making Keith feel oddly warm inside. “I don’t do drugs, so you’ll pass the test. Don’t worry about getting a positive.”

Keith could only stare at him for a moment in an odd mix of confused embarrassment and fading shock. Once those emotions faded they were replaced with overwhelming gratitude. “T-Thank you.” He managed, not sure what else to say.

The collector smiled a little wider. “You’re welcome.” He replied. “Don’t disappoint me, stay out of trouble. You owe me that for this.” He chuckled lightheartedly.

Keith found himself returning the laugh, if only with a bit more volume from his fading anxiety. “Okay.” He promised, a stupid smile sticking to his face. He liked this guy, he’d make a good friend.

He put the container down so he could pull his pants back up and stood. He bent down to grab the item he’d put down and held it by the cap again as the man stood as well.

The man held his hand out in an offered handshake. Keith took it and squeezed gently. When they let go Keith wordlessly smiled again in a silent thanks before he turned to leave. As his hand touched the doorknob he heard the man speak up again.

“What’s your name?” He asked curiously.

The teen turned to face him again. For the first time that day, Keith didn’t stutter. “Keith Kogane.”

“And you?” He asked in return, figuring it was only fair he got to know this guy’s name as well.

He earned himself a smile that made the warm feeling return. “Takashi Shirogane.” 


End file.
